Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize