I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Green mimosas i think yes
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
