Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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