your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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