I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
