you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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