I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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