i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
