could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
