I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
