Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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