I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
