I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
