Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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