Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize