I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
