If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
