how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
