She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
