the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
