I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
