It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
