You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Sorry about my life...
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
