dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I have aggressive nipples.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
