Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
cat food counts as protein by the way
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
