Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
