I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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