Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
