This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
