so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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