i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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