I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
