turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
