I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
