1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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