just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
