it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
