yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
