so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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