No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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