What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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