i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
