I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
