yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
