I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
