the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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