too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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