plz talk dirty to me
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize