I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
