is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
PANTIES FOUND
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