I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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