he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
The Olympian is in my bed
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