I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Randomize