what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
