i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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