she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
