Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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