Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
