Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I love you. Go after that dick
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
