At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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