We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
