I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
