so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
