I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
