I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
