he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
