I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I have tasted many bathrooms
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
