I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I can feel your judgement through the phone
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
