Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
