WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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