Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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