I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
