haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
