Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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