In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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