I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
