And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
