sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
