Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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