Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
