i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
