we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
