she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize