made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
