I'm gonna have a badass scar
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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