Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
