I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
