I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
