he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
