awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
