Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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