Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize