So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Little spoons don't ask big questions
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
