Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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