from now on my penis is your penis
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize