either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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