He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
