i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
