Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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