Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
