when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Life without a bra equals bliss.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
