im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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