Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
