Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
