I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
