Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
