i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
