she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize