You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
