So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
