I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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