the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
