How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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